This article is based on memories and subconscious feelings. Therefore by nature the writing is not as smooth as from a professional writer. Expecting readers to forgive me and consider this as a memoir written by inspiration of memory…
On Friday night (February 8, 2025), I called home to Soc Trang to ask if my sister H had returned from California to Vietnam. “I just got back last night, so I am still a bit tired this morning, brother,” she said. “I'll transfer the phone to you so you can talk to our second brother, okay?” “Is that P.?” my old brother answered. “I am preparing to go to Saigon to pick up H.,” he continued. “No, bro H. has already returned home and is with you,” I replied. Then, he continued to ramble on through the Zalo screen, sometimes mixing in some French phrases that even I couldn't fully understand.
Since he returned to Vietnam in early February 2024, he has been suffering from dementia and is being treated by our doctors in Soc Trang, living in my sister’s house. It seems that his condition has not improved; rather, it has worsened over time. I call him every week to talk and cheer him up, helping him feel less lonely and homesick for his family in Paris.
In Soc Trang, a few friends occasionally visit him but soon lose interest as he constantly talks about his business in France, scientific researches, or technical strategy of trading stocks, using specialized scientific terminology that leaves everyone bewildered. He remembers past events vividly, like the times he sold goods at food shows in Strasbourg, Vienna, Rome, and Belgium, and he often cited the discoveries of renowned scientists, always thinking he is still in France.
Many times, I have to remind him to eat well, go for walks, and exercise, and to meet friends every day to keep his mind clear, as he is now retired and recovering in his hometown. Sometimes, he would lament, “P., have you heard anything about my children?” He misses his children desperately, especially his firstborn, bé Hậu, whom he loves unconditionally, and his youngest daughter, bé Thảo, for whom he always cares. In Soc Trang, he would often pack his suitcase and go door to door asking neighbors if his children were there. It's truly heartbreaking to see how much he misses his children. I have contacted his children, but they are too busy with their own families to stay in touch with him. Honestly, he just needs to hear their voices few minutes sometimes to ease his longing somewhat...
On Sunday night in Canada, which is Monday morning in Vietnam (February 10, 2025), my sister called to inform me that she had taken our brother to Can Tho Hospital for a CT scan. That morning, he had slipped down a few steps after washing his face and brushing his teeth, causing a brain hemorrhage. Two hours later, my sister called again to let me know that it was too late and the doctors couldn't save him. He had passed away...
Reflecting on life, it seems so fleeting. Just two days ago, I was talking to him on Zalo, and now he is gone, without a word of farewell. I immediately sent a message to his eldest son in Paris with the sad news. Bé Hậu called me back, promising to arrange a trip to Vietnam as soon as possible. The next day, Tuesday, February 11, his 2 children flew from Paris to Vietnam just in time. On Thursday, February 13, at 5 a.m., they witnessed their father's cremation and brought his ashes to the temple for the ceremony.
When I was young, I was terrified of my brother because my father gave him the "authority of a parent" to guide us in our studies. He truly had the demeanor of a professor. He tutored me and my siblings in core subjects like math and French when we reached high school. Although my father didn't have a high level of education, he cared deeply about our studies. He was also busy with work, so he gave my second brother a lot of authority in the family. Firstly, my brother was an excellent student, always top of his class. Secondly, he had the right to teach and tutor us at home. If one of us was given an unattractive name by our parents, he would promptly give us a more elegant name. To this day, I am still grateful to my eldest brother for his guidance during our childhood.
He was a calm person, always ready to help friends. He was well-liked by many. After finishing ninth grade, Vinh Long Technical High School had just opened and was recruiting new students. My brother and some classmates took the entrance exam and passed. After a few months, he returned to Hoang Dieu Khanh Hung because he couldn't bear being away from home. The following year, in 1970, when he reached eleventh grade, boys and girls were allowed to study together, and he met a girl named D.T. Hong. The two seemed to get along well, a talented and beautiful couple. Hong was tall, graceful, with fair skin. Occasionally, friends with girlfriends would organize picnics together. Hong came from an aristocratic family in ST, and her villa was on Tu Duc Street. At that time, my brother confided in me that he was a bit hesitant about this relationship because our family was not "well-matched," although he was academically superior to her. In recent years, when I returned to Vietnam, I found his old diary, recounting his memories of studying and his feelings for Hong, as well as his disappointment due to their different family backgrounds. After the first baccalaureate exam in 1971, Hong passed with higher marks than my brother. From then on, he became very sad and gradually distanced himself from her, thinking he was not worthy of her despite being the top student in his class that year.
As a result, he started to neglect his studies in twelfth grade and preparation for the second baccalaureate exam. After passing the second baccalaureate exam in 1972 with insufficient marks to study abroad, he became even more disappointed. His spirit was severely crushed. He would often tell me to strive extraordinarily to meet the criteria for studying abroad.
In the summer of 1972, he took me to Saigon to find a good teacher to prepare for the first baccalaureate exam (in two months) with Professor Cu Quang Hung. It was my father who took me to Vinh Long and encouraged me to succeed in the three-day first baccalaureate exam that same summer. After passing the first baccalaureate exam, he also passed the second baccalaureate exam. Both of us went to Saigon to continue our studies. I attended twelfth grade at Lasan Taberd, while he studied medicine at Minh Duc University. We rented a house with our uncle in Thi Nghe, and every morning we had breakfast at roadside eateries on Saigon Port Boulevard (now extended Dien Bien Phu Street). Then, he would take me to Taberd Saigon on his Honda Dame before continuing to Minh Duc University. He would pick me up in the afternoon. In the evenings, we rode the Honda to the Nguyen Van Nho military camp in Thi Nghe to eat affordable and delicious army meals.
A year passed, and I passed the second baccalaureate exam. My brother gathered my documents to apply for studying abroad. He even took me to a professor's house to practice speaking French in preparation for studying abroad. The previous year, 1972, he had meticulously prepared his own study abroad documents but had failed. Now, he continued to assist with the paperwork, which was relatively easier.
After completing the paperwork for studying in Canada, he advised me to temporarily study Political Economy in Da Lat to get used to the cold climate. He also took me to the Saigon flea market on Huynh Thuc Khang Street to buy winter clothes. He took care of everything for me. Personally, I was a bit reluctant about studying abroad because my family wasn't well-off. Studying abroad would be a burden for my parents, who still had to care for my nine siblings in Vietnam. Moreover, I had already been accepted into the Phu Tho Polytechnic College and intended to continue studying engineering in Saigon to stay close to my family. But my brother insisted on me studying abroad because my second baccalaureate marks exceeded the study abroad standards, an opportunity many in small towns could only dream of. While waiting for the Overseas Study Department to process my application, I took a plane to study in Da Lat. It was my first time flying with Air Vietnam. My brother stayed in Saigon to handle the paperwork, obtaining a passport from the Ministry of the Interior, waiting for university acceptance letters from Canada, getting bank statements about our family's financial situation, booking plane tickets, and more.
Everything fell into place. In early November 1973, he called me in Da Lat, telling me to return to Saigon immediately to prepare to go to Canada. In April 1975, Minh Duc University was dissolved. He continued studying Chemistry in Saigon. After earning his bachelor's degree, he returned to Soc Trang to become the director of a frozen shrimp export company. He also got married and had a son. In 1984, he and his family emigrated to France as French repatriates. Hearing that his family was moving to France made me very happy because, after 13 years of studying abroad, I was finally able to see him again in Metz, a small town 200km east of Paris. After a while, he moved to Paris, studied computer science again, and found a job at the American consulate in Paris, handling payroll for American employees in Europe. Unfortunately, nearly ten years later, they changed the computer system from IBM 360 to mini-computers and outsourced the payroll department.
Since then, he worked for others, handling sales at food fairs in Europe, with some weeks having work and many weeks without. Therefore, he had plenty of time over the years to research unusual scientific topics like statistical methods for stock trading, herbal remedies for mouth rinsing, cordyceps, the formation of humanity, and more. He also spent time translating his research materials into English.
He often called me to discuss how to sell his scientific research to bookstores worldwide. Most bookstores declined, saying he needed to notarize his work, which would be very costly. He told them he just wanted to sell the copyrights. He continued researching other scientific topics, but it seems he never managed to sell any copyrights and continued working part-time jobs to make ends meet.
In 2018, my siblings and I, along with him, went to California for Tet, where we had the opportunity to meet some old teachers and friends from Hoang Dieu. At that time, he learned that Hồng had a family and was living in San Francisco. He contacted her by phone and planned to take the bus to visit her the next day. I advised him not to go, as it would inconvenience her family. That night, Hồng called him, saying it wasn't convenient for her to meet him, so he didn't go to SF. He whispered to me, "When you love someone, you love them for a lifetime." I was surprised by how deeply he still felt. I knew he still cherished his old girlfriend, but now that everyone had their own families, it was best not to disrupt their lives and to see it as a deep friendship. He never talked about his feelings for his old girlfriend and kept his family matters to himself. N.A., from the class of 68-75, had similar observations in her recent short article, "A Rose for Him…"
It had been a long time since I saw him laugh joyfully like when we were young in Vietnam. Every time we talked on the phone, he would ask about each sibling's life and classmates but rarely, if ever, mentioned his own family.
Our beloved brother is no longer with us, but the beautiful memories of him will always remain in our hearts. He was gentle and generous despite living a life deprived of both emotional and material comfort, yet he was kind and treated his siblings, friends, and neighbors well.
It is heartbreaking that his life's journey was so short and he could not walk alongside us longer.
As the time for his cremation approaches (5 a.m. on February 13, 2025), I recall the beautiful memories he left behind as a heartfelt tribute to him.
Dear brother, in the end, the two children you loved most have come to see you one last time and are now carrying your ashes to the temple for worship. Please rest in peace and forget about this unhappy life.
May Minh Hieu's soul rest in eternal peace in the land of Buddha. May he no longer be burdened by the transient life on this earthly realm in that peaceful place.
Nguyễn Hồng Phúc
Last updated 02/14/2025 |
